You’re running late for work and needed to leave five minutes ago. Your child still hasn’t found her shoes but she’s managed to find her lost purse, sticker collection, and birthday card from last year. You’ve repeated directions three times to get her shoes, and you feel on the verge of snapping.
Every parent has experienced this at one time or another. There are dozens of reasons children struggle to follow directions. It’s easy to blame these all on your child (after all, you did repeat yourself three times!).
However, there is always room for improvement in the way parents direct their children. For instance, do you really have your child’s attention, or are you giving instructions while they’re playing a video game? Are you giving clear directions, or are your directions confusing?
Here are some ways to improve your communication so your child is more likely to follow directions the first time.
Gain Your Child’s Attention
There’s no point in giving directions if your child isn’t listening. This will only frustrate you unnecessarily and lead to greater tension.
We live in a world of almost constant distraction. We have so much to look at, listen to, and interact with, it’s no surprise that our children are distracted! So, before you give directions, ensure your child is attentive to you. This usually means eye contact, but can also be a verbal acknowledgment from your child (for instance, if they are in the other room).
Teaching your child to look at the person addressing them takes time and patience but is well worth the effort. Eye contact shows respect for the other person and is considered good manners. A well-mannered child is viewed favorably by adults, and this will only benefit your child!
Watch Your Tone
You’re less likely to listen to your boss or other superiors if they are yelling, speaking condescendingly, or otherwise appearing annoyed with you. The same is true for your children!
Children will mirror your demeanor, tone, and attitude. Speaking to them with annoyance, frustration, condescension, or other negative emotions will likely come right back at you.
Choosing to speak kindly, respectfully, and positively, not only increases your chances of first-time obedience but also benefits your relationship and models appropriate social interactions for your children.
Ensure Understanding
After you’ve given a direction, it may be necessary to allow your child a few seconds to process. Then, ask your child what the directions were. For instance:
- Where are we going in five minutes?
- What do you need to get from your room?
- When can you eat a cookie?
These kinds of questions ensure your child understands the directions and expectations of those directions.
Give Instructions One at a Time
Toddlers and young children can’t follow more than one-step directions. For adults, it’s easy for us to remember “Get your shoes and jacket and get in the car,” but this is a lot of things for a little brain to remember! It’s not until kindergarten that most children can consistently follow through with two or more step directions.
It’s important to have appropriate expectations for your child’s age. If they are younger, give one-step directions (e.g., “Go get your shoes,” and once this has been done, “Go get your jacket”). This will reduce confusion for your child and frustration for you!
If your child is in elementary school but still unable to follow multiple instructions, it may be appropriate to give one-step directions for a season. If your child truly does need one-step directions, this approach will quickly grow their confidence to achieve two-step (and more) directions. If your child is just being lazy, having to go back and forth will get tiresome after a while and they will decide it’s better to do everything all at once.
Give Simple Choices
There are times when a parent must decide on behalf of the child and other times when the child can choose. While these can be helpful for the child to express themselves and be independent, be careful not to give complicated choices. For example:
- Would you like to wear a pink or purple dress?
- Would you like chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
- Do you want to ride your scooter or bike on our walk?
Giving your child more than two or three choices can feel overwhelming and can result in an avoidable meltdown. Keep things simple!
Following Directions at Children’s Academy Childcare
At Children’s Academy Childcare, we aspire to train children who are attentive and follow through on given instructions. Our teachers are clear and kind when giving directions and have age-appropriate expectations and techniques for training children to be attentive listeners.